Within 2 years, I lived in 4 cities, within 3 countries, and 2 continents – the hardest question to answer is “where are you from.” Such travel is not too rare among those working in international affairs, like human rights or development. After this period, I write my most personal piece yet about living in different places, as well as some of its associated challenges.
I love the feeling of takeoff, the speed of the plane’s wheels accelerating on the runway, the force and intensity of liftoff, as the plane angles towards the sky’s horizon. Destination: adventure, a new start, vast possibilities, exciting challenges and yet another chance to prove oneself and learn exponentially.
Arriving to a new city with suitcases, and learning how to do the simplest things entails what initially is great work: figuring out where to grocery shop, how to get to work, never mind the greater issues like finding an apartment under time pressure, sometimes from another continent before even reaching the country. While fumbling around and asking for directions, it is quite obvious when I am labeled as a newcomer.
When one first moves to a new country, she has a fresh perspective and rapidly absorbs all details – architecture, sidewalks, cars, stores, people, dress, vegetation etc. Learning social norms and behaviors is fascinating through observing people. The learning curve during these initial phases is extremely high.
Like many others accustomed to living abroad, I am curious and eager to understand my new home. I feel comfortable wherever I have lived due to embracing my new home with optimism, a positive attitude and open-mindedness. Making friends and building networks is not as difficult as it may seem, provided one speaks the local language – indeed language is crucial to integrating into one’s new community. Soon enough, one finds herself mingling with locals and internationals in the area, knowing the best locations and events to go out to, reading the people better, and having a strong feel of the context of that country – its history, politics, economic situation, etc. Learning to operate in such a new environment is thrilling and an excellent exercise in personal growth and problem solving. Another key aspect is also giving back to the new community that one has joined. Overall, one has the benefit of having good friends all over the globe, of many races, religions, socioeconimic status, etc – a truly diverse network of family, friends and colleagues.
Yet everything has its downsides. Many of those settled down envision the life of a “nomad” as an adventurer on the go, romanticizing the experiences and reputation of that person who is always away because they are doing “important things” in other parts of the world – the traveler is of course fortunate for the opportunities.
But the other side is the toll that such a continuously changing lifestyle can take on an individual. Immigrating is already one of the most challenging and troubling experiences for most who have tried it. But constantly changing apartments and cities at an average rate of every 6 months is beyond stressful – this is too much uncertainty, risk and anxiety for most people to handle. It is counter-intuitive to leave one’s comforting home and venture outside the borders. And it is a personal journey that one usually does alone. For those reasons, typically the only ones who truly understand what a massive undertaking it is are those who have moved and traveled so frequently themselves.
One of the hardest parts for me is leaving behind a place that has become my home, and the people who I was blessed with getting to know and befriend. Especially in the international community, one grows tired of seeing his friends depart – of meeting people and running out of time to get to know them – and to truly enjoy the new city. Needless to say, it makes stable relationships complicated, and getting hurt inevitable. For most, at some point it becomes enough to reconsider the entire lifestyle of travel altogether. One develops fatigue of constantly shifting scenes, adaptations, time-zone hopping, having to always think on one’s feet, and hitting the ground running – all the while trying to keep up with a demanding academic program, financial obligations, building a career, and family pressures. The travel, experience, knowledge and wisdom gained come at this price:
One does not fit in anywhere perfectly, but fits in everywhere just well enough. You may become accustomed to the feeling of never quite belonging and being an outsider throughout. Wherever I am, there are dear people in other parts of the world always missing to me, and I have a reserved space for them in my heart.
People who live globally usually develop different aspects of their identities. This results in greater wisdom, largely from sometimes having to painfully accept the end of that wonderful experience of a lifetime – whether it is studying in Paris, working in Kosovo, or other. Yet experiences are made up of the particular people, places and things at certain times – one exact experience can never be replicated. After leaving, one cannot go back to the same circumstances, for things have changed, as has the traveler.
Naturally, a longing for (relative) stability sets in, for living under the same roof for at least 1 year without having to pack one’s suitcases yet again. Everyone’s thresholds for new stimulation are different. While pushing one’s limits, one must be careful not to burn out – physically, emotionally and mentally. Determining a balance between a sedentary life and travel – as well as a personal/ work life-balance – becomes the key. Again, the gains and strength that one builds up from living in different locations are exceptional –yet one must also be wary of all facets it involves, including drawbacks.
This could help to better inform one’s decisions about one’s career path and lifestyle, helping to achieve that seemingly magical, healthy balance. Reflection, introspection, and self-knowledge are therefore necessary to successfully navigate these processes. Often, it takes people months or years to understand or make sense of their past travel experiences, to connect the dots and finally grasp their trajectory.
Recommended read on a similar topic is the following blog: http://thoughtcatalog.com/chelsea-fagan/2012/05/what-happens-when-you-live-abroad/
K-squared 